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Sunday, 20 May 2012

I'm convinced that I won't find what I'm looking for here where I live. I can't help but get the feeling that my chances are much better overseas. My family doesn't want me to go, but I just won't be happy if I stay here. I'm getting tired of waiting. It's about time I find happiness.

Tuesday, 08 May 2012

What I wonder is how you can forget so easily when I can't, and it stings a little. You may think that I'll move on and find happiness, but there will always be that bitter taste, ever so slight.

Friday, 04 May 2012

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling the residue emotions of a dream. It was a powerful dream. So powerful that it caused me to tremble and cry as if I were some kind of weak creature.

In this dream I was at the beside of a friend who told me that it was their last day living. The news sprung on me and one other that was there with me. We were confided in with this secret. We were left with the burden to know that our companion did not have long. The news was too much to bear. Me and her, the other who knew, had to face society. At her urging, with a hush, we kept the secret to ourselves. This girl, I think I loved her. Within all that sadness I felt comfort through that girl. We disappeared together somewhere and then I woke up. All of a sudden I was ripped away from her and it was a double sadness that I couldn't handle. I trembled. I cried. I gained a half sense of reality. I went back to sleep. Now I'm left with a vague memory, but an impression was made.

This is only the second time in my life where I've shed tears after waking up. I wonder what it means, or does it mean anything at all? I guess I do have strong emotions, but it only comes out when I take down all my barriers. It only comes down when I'm not myself... or is it... when I'm most myself? This entry leaves me feeling exposed, because I've admitted to shedding tears... admitted to a weakness I couldn't help.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

In a Material World April

You know, I've been finding a lot of things I really want to purchase all around. It's so easy to be materialistic, but with limited funds and a sense of responsibility, I really can't indulge. There is no way I'll cut cold turkey from purchasing materialistic things so what I'm going to do is limit myself, for now, to just purchasing one "major" item per month. It'll be something I don't need that has a price range of 100+. I'm by no means a big spender, but nor am I poor. I'm really just your average guy who has his many many wants.

So for April, here is my 1 item.

Ray Ban classic wayfarer sunglasses in black - polarized. $200
I didn't know exactly what polarized is until I purchased these. They block out glare and that feature alone upped the price of the item by 50. It sounds kind of silly, but then again why be without when you can be with. It's kinda nifty, I'll admit. Actually, the cost of it doesn't bother me that much when I consider the amount of research funds it probably took to come about with this technology back in the day. We really shouldn't overlook how amazing and expensive technology is even though it seems so common in our every day life.

These sunglasses are pretty slick. apparently it has a tilt to it that blocks out more sun from the peripherals. I just like how they fit and if I look at my phone with em on I get a spiffy shade of colors on my normally bright screen.

You know, I never thought I'd spend so much on sunglasses since I figured i'd prob lose em or break em easily, but hopefully things will be different with this. I'll be cognizant of it.

So there you have it folks, my own personal project to keep materialistic spending under control. I limit the quantity, justify the purchase, and blog about it to keep myself open and in check. Maybe you should give it a try yourself, if not, that's fine. Not everyone cares about what they spend or how much they spend.

Oh, and if there are any suggestions for the next purchase next month, please drop a line.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

When I think about what I've been doing for the past couple of weeks, I come to a blank on any conclusive thought. I've really just been living with a blank mind doing what I want to do. Time flies by and I don't have much internal struggles. I guess this is the general feeling of going with the flow. I've done a lot to fight against fate/chance/destiny. Fighting against something uncertain. There really isn't much thought as to where this will all lead me to. Maybe I'll get hurt, fail, die, find happiness, or even nothing happens at all. It all doesn't matter much. Well, maybe death matters a little. I won't die, that was sortta just thrown in there. I mean, I won't die yet. =)

Living in the moment is simple. I look at whats in front of me in the here and now and question this. What action will make me happy? It's okay for me to ask and act upon that question because my happiness isn't tied to selfishness exactly. Even if it is, I'm confident in my ability to fix things.

On a random note, Hunger Games was a pretty good movie. It's only good if you've read the book. It was amazing to see the sacrifices and the focus the director had in trying to port a book into a movie. It's no easy task.